Dating sites addiction

A lot of people are addicted to their smartphones.

The Sydney Morning Herald

There is always something interesting to check out or watch, especially if you have an unlimited access to the Internet. What is the last thing we see when we go to bed and the first thing we reach out for in the morning? Most dating sites have not only their desktop version but also a mobile one, which means you can interact with your virtual friends and look for new matches non-stop. Some dating services exist only as mobile apps.

One of the main parameters of dating apps, such as the good old Tinder, is addictivity.


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A large number of dating come up with new ideas and algorithms for their services. Users answer a series of questions and then an app matches them with people who give the same answers.

The Treatment for Online Dating Addiction

It turns into a quiz and is really absorbing. Many people start perceiving dating apps as game apps. They forget that there are real people hiding behind the profile photos. You set some search parameters and then study the profiles of the proposed matches. Yet, there is a spirit of competition that encourages people to pay for extra features to get their profiles to the top to get more views. The developers of the new generation of dating apps have realized that people are too focused on the dating game itself rather than on meeting people.

They condemn the swiping culture and want to emphasize that a dating app is a tool for securing a date, not for endless chatting and flirting without any progress. Such dating apps as Clover, Pure, or HowAboutWe minimize the time spent on virtual chit-chat and help people find themselves on a date shortly after exchanging several messages or right after agreeing to meet in a particular place at a particular time. Endless resources infer endless searches. This is how the dating industry can be characterized in a nutshell. And this is what facilitates an Internet dating site addiction.

The compulsive use of dating services changes your attitude to relationships. You stop perceiving each of your partners as unique. In 10 minutes, you can not only see hundreds of girls from different cities and countries but also scan their profiles. In real life, it would take you a year. The desire to woo and win a girl disappears — you know there are other single women out there. The abundance of choice leads to emotional burnout.

According to psychologists and anthropologists, people are able to maintain a close emotional connection with not more than people. Today, thanks to the Internet, you can communicate with a lot more people. Why do people get addicted to online dating and the process of meeting new people? The answer is simple: Although the love addict consciously wants true and lasting love, they are drawn to the exhilarating rush of new love.


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  6. Their dream of being forever in love with a fated soul mate is inexplicably foiled by reasons that never quite make sense to them. Love addicts rarely make it past the day mark in any new relationship. It is as if they have a fuel tank that supplies the gasoline to a race car engine, but it only has a one-gallon capacity.

    Melissa, a year-old codependent, and Jake, a year-old love addict, were oblivious to their psychological afflictions. They were blind to their revolving door dating pattern, which they simply dismissed as a phenomenon of the modern Internet age of romance. To the Jakes and Melissas of this world, Internet dating is like a virtual candy store with the most tantalizing choices of yummy treats.

    With so many types of candy and so many opportunities to try them all, who could stop at just one? Analogous to the fantasy candy store, the Internet dating sites — thousands of them — guarantee perfectly harmonious everlasting love, combined with steamy Hollywood romance. Love addicts hungrily rely on them to actualize their made-for-TV dream of true love.

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    About three months ago, Melissa met Jake on one of the many free Internet dating sites. Not only did their profiles match up perfectly, but the photos they shared with each other sparked deep waves of anticipation and excitement. These were not just regular phone calls, but marathon calls that lasted for hours. The more they talked, the more the waves of excitement and anticipation built. Melissa felt in her soul that Jake was the perfect man; the man she had been looking for her whole life. His edgy and commanding nature made her melt inside.

    She imagined Jake to be a brave and confident man who could light up any room with his charisma and charm. Almost every topic took on a romantic and mildly sexual tone. Although they never talked directly about sex, the roundabout seductive nature of their discussion opened a floodgate of wanton anticipation. The opportunities seem endless. But as author and human behaviouralist Alfie Kohn points out, being on countless apps can signal a potential risk of dating addiction.

    You spend part of your time trying to recover from, and make sense, of all these lovely people who won't give you the time of day, then the rest avoiding people you have no interest in. It can take over your life.

    So the very apps that are designed in order to help people to meet, are actually doing the opposite. The US Association of Psychological Science found that reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they would in a face-to-face meeting. When I was single, after my long-term relationship with the father of three of my four children broke up after many years, I spent a couple of years online. Even though, three years ago, there were nowhere near as many apps as there are now, I understand how obsessive it can get.

    I think I almost lived for checking my dating sites, spending hours "talking" to men I ended up never actually meeting. It certainly staved off loneliness, and felt safer in many ways than risking a date, face-to-face, for which I had to grow a pretty thick skin. The rejection is tough on both sides - the men you think sound wonderful but when you meet them they are not what they seem, or maybe you like them but they don't like you. I eventually met my husband via Facebook we had mutual friends, but soon moved our connection into the real world.

    Love Addiction, Codependency & Internet Dating

    My best friend met his now wife on Tinder. So success stories do happen, but they're outnumbered by the thousands of singles having more of a relationship with their phones than with each other. In my work as a relationship therapist and love coach, I meet clients of plus of both sexes who are obsessively dating. Some do manage to meet up, but it doesn't matter how disastrous any eventual dates are - they have told me horror stories of men talking to other women as they sit opposite them - they just can't stop searching for more. They all say they never meet anyone decent but, even if they do, they are convinced there might well be someone better around the corner.

    I gently suggest that maybe they are addicted to the whole process of dating and that perhaps they might think about stopping and pausing to think about what they really want in a relationship.