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I tried everything to change the way I presented myself — smiling and smouldering looks, casual and dramatic poses, flamboyant and conservative clothes, playful and intense introductions — but was always dismissed in the same fashion: After spending nearly all my life reinventing my personality in order to impress others and adapting my values to fit in, it turned out the one thing I couldn't change was the only thing that mattered: The most effective way I found to keep people from skipping right over me was to fully embrace the stereotypes they already believed.
In , OKCupid released a study confirming that a racial bias was present in our dating preferences.
It found non-black men applied a penalty to black women ; and all women preferred men of their own race but they otherwise penalised both Asian and black men. The sample drew on the behaviour of 25 million accounts between and , when there was a decrease in the number of people who said they preferred to date someone of their own race. Macquarie University senior lecturer Dr Ian Stephen said that some of the biggest predictors of who we end up with is what our parents look like and the people we encounter in the neighbourhoods in which we grow up.
He said the online landscape as described by OKCupid — primarily consisting of white people who typically prefer their own race — additionally disadvantages people who are already discriminated against.
Are Asian men undesirable?
He agreed this could have a compounding, negative effect, especially in apps like Tinder — where 'popular' accounts are promoted and 'disliked' accounts are dropped to the bottom of the pile. Emma Tessler, founder of New York-based matchmaking website, The Dating Ring , which sets people up on dates, said the OKCupid data is consistent with their her service's experience. She said this is not limited to online dating but is reflective of society's biases.
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Dating websites and apps like Tinder have created such a vast pool of potential partners — millions of matches — that people have to start to generalise and draw the line somewhere, she said. It's a crazy thing to say. These absolutists offer a false choice: You can support wealth redistribution.
You can support BLM. You can support reproductive rights. You can work hard for North Korean refugees. You can loathe Trump.
'The Asian Playboy' Has the Perfect Response to Asian Women Who Say They 'Don't Date Asian Men'
You can be fluent in your ancestral language. But in the end, the fault line always seems to fall upon this: Why does it matter so much? Not even money or education can give us that. We were all huddled under the same blankets. We are all charting unknown territory together, trying to decide whether we should escape the Asian social ghetto.
Many of us at Plan A have roots in Reddit, but now find ourselves without a true home there. I myself was a long-time participant in the main Asian Reddit hub and over the course of a few years, received many thanks from both Asian male and female posters for being thoughtful and level-headed.
The Toxic State of Asian Online Spaces
Nevertheless, a while ago, I was banned. Facebook and Twitter are even worse. In just the past few weeks, a series of developments have rocked the Asian online community: The women and men of Plan A got together because we became sick of these online traps.
Studies show that rapid back-and-forth text-based arguing is the absolute worst for engaging in healthy debates. Instead of tweeting snarky comments that are guaranteed to please and infuriate the same people over and over again, we should be trying to provide thoughtful viewpoints.
How easy is it for a white American guy to get an Asian girl? Why?
In all cases, we are being dictated, Hollywood-splaind and Asian female-splained, as to what WE as Asian men should be. Well fuck that, let me make my own choice of what it means to be an Asian man. I personally believe that Asian men should live a holistic lifestyle, one that is well rounded, that seeks our own happiness, but also creating happiness in others.
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